Trading Sunshine for Gridiron: An anglo-Aussie's NFL 'Wildcard' Sunday
There's something ironically bizarre about leaving an Australian summer—where cricket rules and the gauge routinely flirts with 40°C (that's 100°F plus for my American friends)— to find myself huddled in Connecticut, where the winter winds bite with the subtlety of a forward-pocket multi-player collision at the MCG—the home of Australia Rules Football (AFL)—the code that shuns pads and helmets—for the most part.
However, Sunday, I discovered a palatable remedy to the unrelenting New England chill: a marathon of NFL playoff football—aptly named the 'Wildcard round'—that would make even the most die-hard AFL fan raise an eyebrow at its duration. Four-quarters of AFL footy generally fills the void. In the land of excess, I managed three games back-to-back-to-back, starting at 1 pm and stretching well into the night—this also a result of possibly the worst set of commercials you could ever imagine! Yes, there is just too much Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson.
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Most people have opinions on the Australian version of football, but the same holds true across the Pacific. Dressed like inseminated Zebra's, the bundled-up refs do their best to instigate crowd unrest. Granted, 'Razor Ray' had an air of arrogance in his officiating, but these guys are good, too. Even in the event of a decision being overturned by someone six states away, the Zebra'a maintain a commendable level of elevated superiority. They also have jersey numbers—Zebra’s look alike!
It's easier to say something is overrated when it's given so much spotlight.
The quarterback (QB) position exalts virtuoso status here. Once the domain of the 6' 2' straight A's white caucasian, things have changed. The position is now open to anyone who can throw quickly and accurately, run forward and back at speed, and avoid big guys whose job is to flatten you royally. Oh, they must also remember a playbook that would fill regular bookshelves—hence the straight A's need. The Minnesota Vikings Sam Darnold—a white caucasian—did a 'Sydney Swans' last night (this was the Monday night game—yes, I’m hooked). He and his team didn't turn up. He's the quarterback. I felt bad for him—the big guys who are supposed to protect him must have been watching the McConaughey and Harrelson commercials. The other (defensive line) big guys and smaller quick guys ran amok—I believe they manhandled him ruffly more than six or seven times. My closing position on this is that the QB gets far too much credit and far too much blame. Also worth noting is that most former players in commentator roles played quarterback; the others are mere tokens to make things more even. The QB broadly measures an NFL team's success or failure. Anyways, the Vikings lost to the Los Angeles Rams.
The Rams' win was a much-needed moment of collective joy and unity for Los Angeles, a city grappling with devastating wildfires. Despite playing in a temporary stadium—Arizona lent their field, the Rams' played with remarkable resilience and a deep sense of responsibility to their community. Although their connection to LA is relatively complex, apparently, they are "a franchise that Wanderlust created." The full title is: Cleveland-Los Angeles-St. Louis-Los Angeles Rams, a "serial carpetbagger in a mercenary sports world." That's harsh.
The games rules are complex but not impossible. One change I propose is to the one-point conversion that follows a touchdown. It looks almost impossible for the chiselled—white caucasian—kickers to muff this—and it's only one point! So, what to do? I suggest the team on the receiving end chooses who kicks the conversion. It might lighten a relatively inconsequential passage in the game. Just saying.
For those still reading and vaguely interested, here's a TLDR of the three Sunday games and a beer count:
In Sunday's NFL Wildcard playoff action, three games delivered varying levels of drama. The Buffalo Bills made short work of the Denver Broncos, dominating in a 31-7 victory that sets up a blockbuster divisional-round matchup with the Baltimore Ravens. Game two saw the Philadelphia Eagles outlast the Green Bay Packers 22-10, with QB Jalen Hurts returning from injury to throw two touchdowns while their defence excelled. The day's finale provided the most excitement, as the Washington Commanders edged out the Tampa Bay Buccaneers 23-20 thanks to rookie QB Jayden Daniels' strong performance and a dramatic winning field goal that bounced in off the upright, giving Washington their first playoff victory since 2005.
Two beers!
And for the dedicated followers, an Aus-centric summary:
Game one: There's not much to see here. The Buffalo Bills defeated the Denver Broncos 31-7, securing a place in the divisional round against the Baltimore Ravens (my Super Bowl tip—so they have no chance). Denver did score first with a 43-yard touchdown (TD) just minutes into the game. However, the heavily-fancied Bills remained composed and ultimately dominated the Broncos—racking up 210 rushing yards and maintaining possession for nearly 42 minutes (I found that on the internet, it's not bad here)—almost as long as the fkn commercials. The Bills look forward to a highly anticipated rematch with the Ravens, who apparently handed them a 'new one' earlier in the season!
Game two: The Philadelphia Eagles defeated the Green Bay Packers 22-10. Eagles quarterback (QB) Jalen Hurts returned from a concussion to throw for 131 yards (he did it in stages) and for two touchdowns (TD's), including a 24-yard score to Dallas Goedert (he's a big dude that stands at the end of the offensive line). Goedert's touchdown was significant due to three impressive 'Dusty Martin' stiff arms—two to the same guy.
Both offences struggled for much of the game, with Philadelphia's defence dominating the game, intercepting Packers QB Jordan Love three times (that's picking off his throws). I believe Darius Slay and Zack Baun each recorded an interception in the first half, while Quinyon Mitchell secured the victory with an interception late in the fourth quarter. Josh Jacobs (outstanding, in my view) led the Eagles' rushing (running without bouncing) attack with 119 yards, including a 31-yard run in the third quarter that set up his own 1-yard TD. Kicker (often much maligned) Jake—white caucasian—Elliott kicked three field (3 points—so it's OK for the paid kicker to boot) goals for the Eagles.
Game three: The Washington Commanders defeated the Tampa Bay Buccaneers 23-20, this being the tightest wildcard game, and so securing their first playoff victory since 2005. Rookie quarterback Jayden Daniels—not white caucasian—led the Commanders offence, completing 24 of 35 passes for 268 yards(not all at once), adding two touchdowns while also running for 36 on 13 carries (no need to bounce the ball here). Daniels joins a select group of rookie QB's, including Joe Flacco, Mark Sanchez, and Russell Wilson (personal favourite QB—not white caucasian), to win their first career playoff game on the road (playing away—who'd want to stay in DC).
Dyami Brown (Receiver—by law, the position is the WIDE receiver) emerged as a key playmaker for Washington, recording a career-high 89 receiving yards and one touchdown on five receptions. A crafty play from kicker Zane Gonzalez—not sure—decided the result when he bounced a field goal attempt off the upright for the win. Yes, this would have been a single point in the land of Oz, not six or three!
Buccaneers QB Baker Mayfield, who threw for 185 yards and two touchdowns, lost a crucial fumble (dropped catch) inside the Commanders' 20-yard line, leading to a go-ahead (against the head) touchdown for Washington.
And from the couch, that's all she wrote!
