Premier (District) cricket can be a difficult sell unless you're a died-in-the-wool supporter. If you don't believe me, try it when you have a spare 16 years to burn. This dispatch is not about me, although you might hear my frustrations occasionally—hopefully, not too loud. And, with no exclusion intended, my focus will be on male cricket.
As a mature-aged person, it's unclear how you could get caught up in the tangled web of Premier cricket (forgive me now for repeating its title). Personally, it was as a coach trapped while wandering a car park in the south-eastern suburbs. I knew Adam Dale; he'd terrorised me (verbally and mentally) in a 'Park' game the previous summer, and now he was heading to Melbourne CC as captain-coach-grandfather; Doem won't mind me saying that! And he wanted some help. That was his pitch. I said yes without thinking. Sixteen years later, WTF!
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New South Wales (NSW) has 20 clubs competing in their Premier competition, the most of the six states that compete in the Sheffield Shield competition—arguably the most robust domestic first-class cricket environment. Queensland (QLD) has 12 Premier clubs, and Western Australia (WA) has 16. South Australia (SA) adopts a two-division method with 14 clubs, and Tasmania (TAS), an outlier with an odd number, has nine clubs competing. It should be noted that Tasmania made it through to this year's Shield final. And, Victoria (VIC) has 18 Premier clubs.
That's 100 teams in NSW—they play five men's grades—assuming the other states play four grades—48 and 64 in QLD and WA. SA and TAS have 56 and 36, respectively. And VIC has 72. That's 376 teams and approximately 188 games of Premier cricket every weekend. Nuts.
So why is Premier cricket a difficult sell?
Try this. Engage in a conversation with a like-minded cricket person at a bar, barbecue, or wherever. Listen intently, wait to play your cards, establish that they are not involved at a Premier club, and when the time is right, ask them what they know about Premier cricket.
Get ready: “Fuck Premier cricket; they steal our best juniors, they promise the world and give nothing back, and they're up themselves; who would want to field for 96 overs anyway. Wankers, all of them, they can go and get rooted. “
There's no mayo here; this is the voice of the Park—Park cricket rules. Of course, this is not representative of everyone in the Park; however, it's a majority that Joe Biden would welcome.
They’re probably familiar with Davey Warner—more with his wife than his cricket, though! Steve Smith, they watch and proclaim him a park cricketer due to his eccentric footwork and quirky nature, “Looks like he plays right and left-handed at the same time, don’t know how he does it.” Both Australian cricketers would hold a persuasive argument in this space as long as they didn’t mention where they started—Premier cricket.
I say this confidently with little conviction; Geelong CC has five Australian representatives, the last being Aaron Finch.
Finch played a T20 game last season; from memory, it was a Wednesday evening. Kardinia Park was full, to a point. Finchy played nicely for a while, then went out, and so did the crowd, leaving the died-in-the-wool faithful to reclaim their vantage points. Believe me, Premier cricket is a difficult sell.
I read this recently and thought of Premier cricket: (strange metaphor, but it works.)
“Tiger Woods is no more. Scottie Scheffler is the closest we have. He’s good, but not an assassin like Woods. He’s humble, like a friendly gym teacher; sadly, he’s not able to foster rivalries like Woods because players like Jon Rahm and Brooks Koepka have left for a different league where they play less golf and make more money.”
They departed for a different league where they play less cricket and get paid more! Sound familiar!
There’s no way around it; Premier cricket is a fucking hard sell. It is easy for those on the fringes—try selling extra insurance to those already hooked. Good luck with that!
On a lighter note, it’s grand-final weekend in Melbourne.
Carlton CC take on Casey South Melbourne CC at Windy Hill, Essendon, starting today. Casey were South Melbourne in a different life where they have provided more Test captains than any other club in Australia—I say confidently! Carlton have always been the ‘Blues’—hovering around the upper echelons of Victorian Premier cricket. I approve due to them playing in a park, and they were nice to Dandenong a few years back!
There’s little point reviewing the game because it’s likely you’ve not heard of any of the players. Anyway, here goes:
Carlton has Mackenzie Harvey (Melbourne Renegades and Ian's nephew), and he'll open the batting. If he gets to 20, he's dangerous. Xavier Crone has played Shield cricket this season. Evan Gulbis captains Carlton while living in Tasmania. There's the Smyth brothers; people say they're boring, but I prefer studious. They have a leggie called Archer and an American pacer who bowls quick, Cameron (Callum) Stevenson. Also, their catcher (WK) is in rare form—Jai Lemire, cranking out daddy hundreds from the middle-order. Carlton's coach is Evan Gulbis, who lives in Tasmania—I told you Premier cricket is a difficult sell.
The other mob are interesting; they have a hint of the Detroit Pistons Bad Boys" about them, contrary to their South Melbourne roots. Jackson Fry bowls well with his left arm. He is a carpet carrier by trade, and Casey will lean on him for crucial wickets. Their captain is a retired country and western singer, Luke Shelton, who lobs optimistic twirlers. They have an equally studious opening batter in Ashley Philip Chandrasinghe; he curates his own Wikipedia page, and you can read more about it here. My favourite is Lachie Sperling of Leongatha South fame—good lad. He whacks it and lobs up 'Luke Shelton's'. Oh, and their coach, Will Carr, once the most famous man in Premier cricket—he had an unlimited supply of drink cards! Wilbur has done a great job out in the wilds of Cranbourne.
If I'm being honest, that chance meeting in a Cheltenham car park set me on a damn good path. Part of me wants to say, "Fuck the Park", but then I know so many good people there, so I'll refrain. They, too, will be battling finals this weekend. I will maintain, though, that Premier cricket is a hard sell.
As always, thank you for being here.
Nick written like a veteran. If you think District cricket is a hard sell what about Shield Cricket? The best thing about Premier Cricket is you could be playing against a Test cricketer one week and he is lining up at the G on Boxing Day the next week.. more or less…… not sure if this would happen in any other sport… from me at rainy Noosa!