Is Test Cricket being undermined by England’s Bazball?
Hello again. Finally, a column that’s been in the works for a few days, weeks, or too long...
Genuine question:
"Are England actually undermining Test cricket?"
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The procrastination was due to not knowing where to start.
Truth be told, it felt like I was losing my mind after the Old Trafford Test. It ended a draw, Manchester weather got the better of both sides; go figure!
So. Australia retain the Ashes with a dishonourable draw, and England fail to regain the Ashes, which they haven’t held since 2017.
Fair summary? "Actually, not really!"
Australia’s been thrown from pillar to post for its part in the Old Trafford Test. The weather interruption now being described as ‘criminal."
Agreed, Australia were soundly beaten for three of the four days. England bossed the hosts around, bazballing them to all corners with the bat. Then, continually breaking promising partnerships with ball in hand—no question.
Dishonourable though? How can that be?
Spare a thought for Mitchell Marsh and Cameron Green, the two all-rounders from the West—remember, it never rains in Perth!
You could argue—borrowing English reasoning—that both were denied playing game-saving innings; Marsh could have celebrated back-to-back centuries with two gallons of Stella on a balmy Manchester Sunday. And the burgeoning Green might have been content to tick another box in his Test cricket education with a supporting partnership innings. Spare a thought for them.
The English narrative smells of a disturbing delusional mindset.
Australia exited Old Trafford stage-left. England banged their hollow chests and carried on like pork chops (I wish I knew the true meaning of this ocker saying).
It was like Australia rolled into a fast-food drive-thru.
"Can I take your order, please?"
"Yes, thank you. We’re in the crap in this cricket match; sheeting rain, please, with a side of irony. Thank you."
What was England left to do?
Well, Ben Stokesy and his bazballers were left rueing what might have been and sharpening their self-congratulatory virtues with the help of England’s nauseating punditry.
This series was theirs to win. The script had been confidently crafted; nothing would deny a home victory. The Ashes would be rightfully reclaimed on imperial soil and Piers Morgan would be left to pick on someone else. Thank god.
I feel like I need the right of council to recuse myself from the narrative due to an unhealthy bias towards the opposition's position. When all is said and done, I am English!
It’s all too much, though. Spluttering about how it feels and reads leads me to a position that feels akin to collaborating with the enemy.
England’s position is smug. They present as collectively entitled and privileged. Conceited. Arrogant. Disrespectful.
Best, I stop there.
Every press conference is overflowing with overstated confidence.
"What the fuck do you guys know?"
Joe Root wants the rules changed mid-game. "It’s light until 10pm at night."
Every professional cricketer I have known is a rabid clock-watcher. Overtime is scorned in this line of work. Root would be no exception. Completely delusional.
Hang on, England is actually changing Test cricket.
If England lose—yes, they lost the first two Tests—it feels like they won. Stumpings are no longer a fair-game dismissal. Contentious catches are fair when they manage to hold them, not the other way around!
Winning now carries no relevance—how would Ian Botham manage this? It’s about entertainment and, get this, saving Test cricket.
Saving it from what?
Fortunately, sport is undeniable; it has no problem uncovering a full gambit of emotions from both the actors and the audience alike. There have to be winners and losers. It is a brutal and uncompromising business.
Here's a quote from business that can be readily translated to sport.
"An entrepreneur is a man who knows he can fail, but he does not accept to fail before he actually fails, and when he fails, he learns from his errors and moves on."
The cricket to date has been compelling. Neither side has managed to separate themselves from the other—Old Trafford accepted.
I, for one, would like to get back to the contests within the game.
Stuart Broad and David Warner.
Which of the two captains will read the game and react when needed?
Mark Wood and Steve Smith—who will prevail? Remember Smith's record at the Oval?
Can Joe Root get past Pat Cummins and play a 'big innings?'
How will Todd Murphy—assuming he plays—handle Root and Harry Brook? England’s best players of spin.
Can Zak Crawley back up his extraordinary performance at Old Trafford?
Please everybody, back to the cricket, there’s much to play for.
Oh. Will it rain in South London, and who’s fault will it be this time?
Well worth the wait Nick. Beautifully written. Well played Sir.