Finally, 'Slim' Pat Donnelly turns up
"Listen, kid, don't gettin' all philosophical about some college tournament! Ya know what March Madness really is? Last damn place in America where kids still play with some friggin' heart!"
March madness hooked me, line and sinker. Like I didn't intend for my initial post to be a monologue—it was, sorry. I did intend to share a basketball conversation with my old mate, ‘Slim’ Pat Donnelly—that should have been two weekends ago!
On the women's side, home state allegiance swayed my pick. Most folk around me barracked for UCONN—the University of Connecticut, a public land-grant research university with its main campus in Storrs, CT. As is the want in these parts, they go by a mascot name—The Huskies. You can read more about that here.
The boys, who look like grown Navy seals—the combat type— came down to four #1 picks from their respective brackets.
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Duke (Blue Devils), Auburn (Tigers), University of Houston (Cougars), and the eventual winners, the Florida Gators. I ended up barracking for Florida, mainly due to their elongated Aussie, Alex Condon, who endured a classless verbal spray in the semi-final with Auburn. He didn't have his best game but bounced back strong in the championship game. Collingwood will have to wait a while longer!
For The Huskies, it was their 12th national title, all under the guidance of legendary coach Geno Auriemma.
Auriemma arrived in Storrs before the 1985-86 season and took a program with just one winning season to its current state, including 12 NCAA Championships, 24 Final Fours, six perfect seasons and 59 odd conference championships. Most importantly, Auriemma has his hair cut by a guy named John, who I know by association.
By comparison, the Gators have won 3 NCAA Championships in 2006, 2007, and 2025. Coach Todd Golden completed his third season and still looks like he could play college ball. Florida has made six Final Four appearances in program history.
Anyway, that's what's been distracting me. So, as promised, a copy of the conversation I had with Pat.
Oh, and here's some background reading for those unfamiliar with 'Slim' Pat Donnelly. Or, you can dive right in.
Expletives and all:
Me: So, what do you think about March Madness this year? I've been thinking about how it reveals something about American values.
Slim Pat: (sets down his tall Coors and shoots me a sceptical look) Listen, kid, don't gettin' all philosophical about some college tournament! Ya know what March Madness really is? Last damn place in America where kids still play with some friggin' heart! Been watchin' hoops since Russell was slingin' shots at the Garden. These college kids still dive for loose balls while them NBA prima donnas take "rest days." I mean, Fackin' rest days!
Pat that doesn't answer the question, though. I didn't say that!
Me: Well, look at the tournament structure—this perfect blend of meritocratic ideals where small schools can triumph through teamwork and determination. But then there's this commercial excess with billions in TV rights and corporate sponsorships.
Slim Pat: (snorts loudly) Ya think, kid? Look at ya, with all them big words! Merito-whatever. Tournament's got more corporate logos than Chelsea's got problems! But lemme tell ya somethin'—when some no-name Jesuit school knocks off Duke or Kentucky, that's America right there. David and Goliath, just like when our 'Tics knock the Lakers down a peg. Just like in '69 with Russell! [pounds table] That's the stuff that matters, not all these insurance commercials with their damn lizards!
Ironically, I am in Hartford, CT, once the world's insurance capital.
Me: Exactly! But I'm concerned about something else, too. Is the NCAA starting to look more like a rookie NBA tournament?
Slim Pat: Pisser question, kid. NCAA's been a farm system since Bird was at Indiana State! Only difference now is they don't hide the money no more. These one-and-dones are just stoppin' by campus to grab a slice before headin' to the show. [leans in] Back when Havlicek played at Ohio State, guys stayed put, got degrees. These kids today use these schools like T stations - just passin' through to someplace else. By the way, Kid, this fackin' T we have in Beantown is dead-set rooted.
I wasn't able to resist some Australiania there!
Me: And that's what makes me nervous. The NBA regular season often lacks the intensity that makes March Madness special. You know what I mean?
Slim Pat: (cackling while wiping beer foam from his moustache) Do I know? Kid, I watched the Celtics-Lakers when they hated each other! McHale clothes-lining Rambis wasn't no accident! These NBA pansies today won't even take an offensive charge! Fackin' "Load management"— what kinda horseshit is that? Try tellin' that to my foreman when I was workin' the docks! March Madness still got kids playin' like there's somethin' at stake. Like they're at Shirley with a stretch to do, ya know what I mean? (roars with laughter at his prison joke)
I have never asked Pat if he is familiar with Shirley. Some stuff is best left alone!
Me: Right? And that's not what March Madness is about! College ball gives us full-court defensive pressure, genuine emotional investment, and that irreplaceable urgency of single-elimination games.
Slim Pat: Now you're talkin' sense for once! One-and-done, kid. No best-of-seven where ya can sleepwalk through half the series. These kids know their basketball might end on any play. [mimics a defensive stance—I wonder if Pat could ball] That's why they D-up like their mothers' reputations depend on it! The bands, the cheerleaders, the coaches, the whole damn thing! Not like these NBA arenas that all look the same with their fancy light shows. College ball's got personality, like neighbourhoods used to before they all went soft! Don't get me started on Southie, where parents negotiate with their kids. Serious!
Me: So the big question becomes: how does the NCAA preserve what makes March Madness unique without becoming too much like the NBA?
Slim Pat: [leans in, suddenly serious] Look here, kid, every cuffin' question sounds the same—cut the crap with the "big questions." It ain't complicated. Marcus Smart could figure this one out(hahaha), and he ain't exactly Einstein! Make 'em stay in school at least two years. Keep the tourney at 64 teams - this First Four garbage is just money-grabbin'. And for the love of Tommy Heinsohn, teach these kids some fundamentals! (pantomimes a bank shot—still unsure if he could play!) Half these freshmen couldn't hit a bank shot if they were standin' in the teller line!
Me: Pat, what is a bank shot?
Slim Pat: Get to the fackin' bar, ya nerdy wrench!
Me: That's the million-dollar question. The NCAA must modernise and respect player rights—these athletes deserve fair compensation. But we'll lose something special if the tournament becomes another professional showcase.
Slim Pat: Million dollars? We're talkin' billions, kid! You ever heard of TV? (shakes head vigorously) Listen, the country's going soft. Everybody wants somethin' for nothin'—these college presidents got no backbone, like that crowd up at Chelsea(don't know why he's so pissed with Chelsea!). They need to stand up to the NBA, make their own rules. Tell these Nike fellas and TV suits to pound sand if they don't like it. [takes a long swig] March Madness is too important to hand over to the suits. Gotta play both courts - half and full - like our 'Tics!
Me: And that will determine whether future generations still experience March's particular brand of madness or just witness another professional tournament.
Slim Pat: [raises his beer can in a toast] Ya know, kid, sometimes ya surprise me. I worry my grandkids won't ever know what real basketball feels like—the heart, the hustle (suddenly nostalgic). March used to be special, ya know? Before all the NIL bullshit and transfer portals. Tell ya what though, I got a sawbuck says Florida will be hard to hold out this year. Now I gotta hit the head, then we're rollin' back to Southie. Sullivan's ain't what it used to be. Too many tourists like you askin' too many questions! [winks and staggers toward the bathroom]
And that was that. Pat was right on the Gators, though!
